Sunday, August 23, 2009
i quote kuya jao
"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."Wednesday, August 19, 2009
my life is less a smile
if i were just a character written on a bookand you are the reader,
would you remember me?
surely, no.
[100th post published -_-]
Labels: failure
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
forever by hillsong
i may not have an ear for music... but i hear love songs through my heart :)I'll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing
For You my Dad and King
I'll live for all my days
To Put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It'll be for eternity
And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross
I'll worship You my God
I'll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You
Labels: blessings from above
Thursday, June 11, 2009
there are so many words synonymous to hate
hate.the fact that i got what i wanted... but as it turns out, the feeling isn't mutual. D:
abhor.
the fact that my mind is a egoistic. :| and she won't take commands from my hollow muscular organ that pumps blood around the body, situated in the center of the chest with its apex directed to the left (Microsoft® Encarta® 2006. ©)
detest.
the fact that i can't stop hurting my self :( because i actually think that doing so will pardon my every offense.
dislike.
the fact that i keep turning my back from what i believe in and let worldly desires conquer my heart :(
despise.
that fact that I'm a pathetic, useless, inconsiderate friend. and no one should make the mistake of naming me as one. :(
loathe.
the fact that i promised at least five people that i will eat well. and still, I'm not doing so (spare me and blame my stomach!) my conscience is already wringing my neck :(
:(
Labels: naiinis
Sunday, June 7, 2009
i should stay away from multiply
really. it's depressing down there. not because i let my thoughts slip to the world. but what's hateful is seeing other people's thoughts when you shouldn't be reading them. D:bakit kasi yung ibang tao kailangan pa nilang imultiply yung mga pre-judgement nila sa mga di nila gustong tao. tae. kung hindi man blog post, icocomment nila, thinking na bobo si object of gossip para hindi mabasa yung mga pambabackstab nila. D:
and, no, i can't handle people hating me, backstabbing me even. and worse when it's online. :/ sorry if i can't please everyone. God knows i try. :(
naaasar ako pag bumababa self-esteem ko dahil sa mga walang kwentang kwento na di naman totoo. tapos kelangan pa nilang mag-involve ng tao na wala namang pakialam dapat sa usapan para lang masabi yung galit nila. tuloy, kahit hindi ako kilala, kahit di pa ako nakikita, masama na kagad tingin sa 'kin.
naasar ako. hindi sa kanila, kasi wala naman akong right. once upon a time siguro, nagawa ko rin yung ginagawa nila ngayon sa 'kin. naaasar ako sa sarili ko kasi nagpapaapekto ako sa kanila. alam ko naman na malinis ang conscience ko. at mahal ako ng Diyos.
sana di ko na mapansin pa 'to. D:
Labels: naiinis
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
balik classes na :/
okay. orientation kanina. gusto ko lang magrant :))haay. grabe. nung sinuot ko skirt ko, parang humaba. syempre nagtaka ako kasi 'di naman bago uniform ko... so, dun dun dun... lumiit kaya ako? haay. wala lang. kastress. >___< di ko alam kung baket haha. dapat nga masaya kasi nakita ko uli mga teachers and classmates. haay. pero hindi ganun. siguro napagod lang ako sa pag-uwi. pero tae. may bad feeling ako. sa lahat. haay. Loooooord. wala lang. nandyan ka diba? meh, kelangan ko ng uhh security? tama ba yun. haay. basta. ang labo. naguguluhan ako. ang labooo. pero for the first time siguro hindi ako yung malabo. malabo ang buhay :)) taee. ako pa rin ata. basta. kasi namaaan. same. as in pareho. bat ganun :)) parang ang weird kasi. yeah. haha. bastaaaa. gusto ko tuloy mabaon sa school work D: haay Lord. kausapin mo ako D:
Who am I by Casting Crowns
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Labels: random
Friday, May 29, 2009
it's just so easy... to pretend.
ang dami kong inaalala. D: parang di mawalan ng dapat isipin. lalo na ngayong fourth year na ako. ang dami kong plans... tapos sana hindi hanggang isip ko lang yung mga 'to. ang dami kong gustong gawin ngayong year. ang dami ko pang gustong makilala. tapos di ko maiwasan na hilingin na sana mapunta ako sa section na yung mga classmates ko ay di ko pa nagiging classmates kahit kelan. haha. astig sana nun. pero baka ma-op ako O______Ocollege. obviously, yun laging napag-uusapan. yun laging tinatanong pag meron kang batchmate na ngayon mo lang nakausap. haha. pero hindi weird para saken. lahat naman dumaan at dadaan sa pagiging senior e. haay, ang inaalala ko lang... i mean, naguguluhan ako. haha in a way excited na ako sa plans sa 'kin ni Lord after high school. pero syempre gusto ko rin isavor yung mga moments ngayong last year sa Pisay. meh. hirap ah.
sana, bago matapos ang school year (di pa nga nagsisimula e), walang friendship na masira. :)
hobby ko ata ang pag-aalala ng mga kung anu-anong bagay sa future. it keeps my mind busy kasi. pero wala rin namang magagawa yun. sabi ni God don't worry. makinig na lang siguro dapat ako sa kanya :D
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
psst...
mawawala na lang siguro itong nararamdaman ko
bago ko pa maparating sayo >__<
ang weird pala ng buhay.
ay joke naman. tagal ko na yung alam. parang ang weiiiird pa rin. haha. tapos may weird na chocolate na pag nagustuhan mo kainin laging mo nang bibilhin. except na lang hindi siya binibili. pinaghihirapan...intindihin =)) di rin kasi ako rich e. ohmygulay ang bobo ko gumawa ng metaphor. owel. basta. haay. gusto ko ng friends :( kasi naman e, parang six years (grade 2 to first year ata) akong walang tinuring na close friend haay. ambasura pala ng buhay ko dati O_____O okay. siguro hindi naman basura. uhh tanga lang. haha. pero astig pala kasi nalinawan na ako sa testimony ko ng pagiging Christian. :D ngayon ko lang naintindihan na kahit hindi ko pa nadedeclare na si Jesus ang Lord and Savior ko dati, kahit wala pang words sa bibig ko nun, yung meaning nasa puso ko. kasi bago ko pa marealize, nagwowork na sken yung Holy Spirit simula pa nung grade school ako. yun yung nagbigay sken ng wisdom para malaman ko na ako'y Christian na. at sinave na ako ni Lord. haay. ang saya naman :D haha.nakakatuwa naman magreview sa msa. okay. siguro hindi. 3 days palang napapasukan ko. tapos 27 hours na. O_O may lunchmates ako tapos nakapagjollibee, KFC, at greenwich na kami. haha. kelangan maubos namin yung mga resto sa katipunan haha. haay ayoko na magcomment sa teachers baka kung ano pa masabi ko na hindi maganda =)) haha pero masaya naman. or not. at least masaya ako pag english :)) naaappreciate ko sobra yung mga natututunan ko sa vocab :D :D tapos masaya pa yung teacher namin. ay dami ko rin palang nakikitang pisay na pakalat-kalat dun. kahapon lang nakita ko sina julia, mia, andrea, isay, joanna, kit, met, bingbong, tapos pinuntahan ko sa kfc sina mai + Na + friends. haha. wala lang. haay.
ang weird pa rin. sana. sana. sana. sana. sana. uhh. sana masaya lahat ng mga kaibigan ko :D kahit hindi lahat nassharean ko ng kwento masaya pa rin ako na nakilala ko sila haha. grabe mas gusto ko pa rin sa blogger magblog. haha at least walang nagbabasa. ang bobo kasi ng multiply. announcement pa sa world yung post mo. kahit walang kwentang entry lang kagaya nito =)) haha. sana masaya today ;)
Labels: blessings from above
Friday, May 15, 2009
BAKIT HINDI AKO MATH 6?
To think of this now feels like i'm opening yet another chapter in my life.Four summers I've spent continuously in math classes with the country's top students. I wake up each summer morning expecting and eager to solve math problems just for the sake of self-satisfaction and knowing that most kids in my age group won't be able to answer the same challenging problems. But every summer felt the same. While other kids get to enjoy their summer in beaches, or playing, watching television and eating, I was sacrificing time but not knowing when and where this sacrifice counts. I did earn friends who share some of my interests (math among others) yet I don't see in myself the same passion that they have in their eyes when it comes to Math. They were there because they have something to prove; I was only so because I've gotten used to it.
I stayed because Math was something I can do and learn even when I know I can't handle it entirely. At least, for some time, I'd belong somewhere. There was also the enthusiasm mixed with apprehension when I'm blessed enough to be a part of a team sent to compete internationally. While I was happy that this pleased my parents and teachers among others, I was contemplating on other possibilities of where my life could lead me. After all, we were taught in Math that there are infinite possibilities.
It took me some time to realize (with the help of a certain someone) God has something better in store for me than spending my days in a place and situation that, I know in my heart, has no place in my future. But more courage was necessary for me to step out of this circle that society drew to constrain me. I entered Pisay with a label of an MTG kid. For some, I may be known as a Math girl and was expected to know Math lessons in advance. This did take its toll in my self-esteem. But knowing how special I am in the eyes of God is more than enough to boost my confidence.
Really, I didn't 'escape' Math. I just a found the best place in God's kingdom where I am more useful. This is the first summer I spent away from the regularity of Math. Having the courage to join the FIRST Robotics Competition was a first step. There I felt that I'm more of a liability than an advatage, but still I continued to put my faith in God knowing that He was the one who placed me there. He showed me that He's made me to do more things than I can imagine; that He'd give me more happiness and credit than I deserve.
And what really moved (more like shoved) me to continue walking God's way was the Leadership-Discipleship Camp last May 3-9 with the theme UnMe. I gained so many things, and at the same time I learned to give up my whole self in order to follow God's heart. I wish to (and I will) share my experiences as well as my faith to my friends and enemies and continue living the Word of God.
But camps, like what kuya pito had said, are comfort zones. I know that there I was surrounded by Godly people who wouldn't tempt me to sin. Reading my memories in my blog, I realized what roller coaster ride my Spiritual life had been just after the Acts Camp, which was another milestone in my relationship with God. I pray to continue being faithful and I humble myself just like the True Humility God IS before me.
TO REMOVE ASSUMPTIONS, I DIDN'T GET TIRED OF MATH (and I hope Math feels the same way.) I GOT TIRED OF LIVING A LIFE WITHOUT A PURPOSE. I FOUND MY PURPOSE IN GOD AND IT IS SUCH BLISS TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING WITH A SMILE, KNOWING THAT WHAT YOU ARE TO DO DURING THE DAY IS FOR SOMETHING GREATER: TO TOUCH OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
Labels: blessings from above, faith
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
yeah! i'm done being pathetic :D
Sunday, May 10, 2009
LCDCamp: UnMe
may 3-9. grabe. grabe. grabe. sobrang daming nangyari. hindi lang hangover ang meron sa 'kin ngayon. my life is changed na naman. :)
nagkita-kita kami sa may parking lot sa The Block. nung una kong nakita mga tao, ang weird ng feeling. nafeel ko na camp talaga siya kasi wala akong kilalang tao. haha. nagpakaloner pa ako nung first day tapos di ko kinakausap mga cabin mates ko :)) meron naman akong ilang kilalang tao dun like yung mga pisay alumni, kuya pito, kuya jon. kuya jerome at ate shayne. :) tapos kasama ko rin pala dela paz siblings.
nung second day yung nagkakilala talaga kaming girls dahil sa banquet night. :> :)) haha dami naming assumptions kasi nagdatingan yung mga stalker stuff galing sa boys. "IKAW BA SI PIKACHU, KASI I CHOOSE YOU." :)) *ahemKRISTINEahem* tapos turns out na may dalawang guy partners ang girls at tinuruan sila ng mga kuya counselors na mangharana. :)) ang cool. partners ko si cedie na nung afternoon ko lang nakilala at si christian na nung night ko lang na yun nakita :)) astig ng getting to know you. :D at lesson for the day, gift ni Lord ang sexuality at sex. :D
may small group pala kami. SG6 ako. kuya pito at ate joan counselors namin. tapos miss ko na sgmates ko: alvin, jairus at michael. yeah. ako lang ang babae :)) dami kong natutunan sa kanila. sobrang disappointing dahil di ko sila nakilala ng lubos. D: nagpromise nga pala ako kay alvin na susulatan ko siya haha. :) at ang cuuute ng SG picture namin :>
tapos recreation team! haha kami ang T4H or TRANSFORM 4 HIM. :D haha *owaowaachuchuachuchu* cheerleading nung first recreation. yeah. nagfirstplace kami with team Gala. :)) nung second day yung astig. may obstacles. 10 stations. electric fence na kelangan makapunta from one side to another lahat ng members through maliit na square. yung duck walk na pinatay yung leg muscles ko. recite ng Bible verses. at yung pinakaastig, slide sa mud =)) wee sobrang naputikan talaga ako nun na akala mo lupa yung damit ko. sobrang saya. and kami pala ang pinakamabilis na nakatapos ng 8 (or 9?) stations. haha. last day naman nagfamily feud kami. *TOP 5 REASONS KUNG BAKIT HINDI NAGPAPAGUPIT SI KUYA EHCO* hahaha. and yeah, first place uli kami dun =)) kaya naman meron kaming gift check na p250 na pinambili ng soft drinks. :))
missions night naman nagmuslim costume kami :D grabe. may racial discrimination talaga. tapos natutunan ko na hindi naman dapat kaawaan yung mga muslim na nakalong skirt. at least may hiya sila. hindi kagaya nung mga babaeng nagmimini skirt. tapos yung dinner namin sa banana leaf tapos kami girls yung mga nagserve. ang gandang experience ng muslim culture. :D at nainspire ako magmission :D
every morning nagigising ako ng before 6am para maligo. every meal may pakulo yung isang small group na server. *BUMBERO! PAHINGI NG TUBIG! MAGSASAKA! PAHINGI NG KANIN!*. every breakfast may QT sharing at memory verse *ahemKUYAJONAHahem* after breakfast may workperiod. isang araw nakapaglinis ako ng apat na cubicles ng comfort rooms :)) every after lunch may siesta na maingay pa rin. every night may cabin sharing, then quiet time :D
pinakamemorable experience yung last days. :D grabe yung tama sken nung nagwashing of feet kami. gawin natin sa iba yung ginawa sa atin ni Jesus na paghuhugas ng paa (not literally.) tapos yung final challenge na pinaiyak talaga kaming lahat. O_O sobrang dami pang nangyari na sobraaaang sayaaa. ang hirap imention lahat. tapos nung last night pala nagconfession yung mga girls :)) *SINONG NAAAPPRECIATE MO SA CAMP?* balita ko pati boys nagganun ah. :> =)) tapos ang saya nung pauwi na sa bus :))
basta, ang dami kong nashare sa iba. ang daming nashare sken. grabe yung expositions ni Ptr. Noli na sapul talaga sa puso. di ko makakalimutan yung mga small group activities na sobrang tinuruan ako. pati yung mga sessions na sobrang applicable sa buhay. at yung mga skits ng mga counselors na talagang nakaktouch ng puso *KUYA PITO*
sa camp na 'to naremind ako na si God ang Lord and Savior ko. sobrang nainlove uli ako sa Kanya at binibigay ko na sa Kanya ang control sa buhay ko :) i pray na magpatuloy ako sa paggrow at sana hindi ko kalimutan at magamit ko ang mga natutunan ko.
miss ko na cabinmates kooooo. kristine, jaecelle, erica, ate joan, ate jaja, ate bjo. tapos sgmateeees. recreation teammates. counselooooors and staff and YANA and SAMMY... lahat ng campeeeers. :D :D
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
just marking this day before it ends :)
Labels: it's a happy day
Monday, April 27, 2009
plus one more person D:
to prove i'm right. that i don't deserve anything good in life.good luck to me. :D :D :D
Labels: happy-less
Friday, April 24, 2009
don't remind me of this post
------. it's sixth grade all over again. how can i not learn from that one mistake of my life that surely made a mark, a scar, to a person who cared most about me. i'm good at forgetting. and that has always been the solution to all complicated problems life had leisure to throw at me. and with forgetting, i add my indifference.----. ----. ----. i'm so low to be anyone's friend. i don't deserve any warmth from other people. i'm a lowly incosiderate selfish pathetic liar. gosh, this is so true. ----. and as if any of these realizations and self-incrimination will actually help. ----. put a bullet through me, and i won't even complain.Labels: happy-less