Friday, May 15, 2009
BAKIT HINDI AKO MATH 6?
To think of this now feels like i'm opening yet another chapter in my life.Four summers I've spent continuously in math classes with the country's top students. I wake up each summer morning expecting and eager to solve math problems just for the sake of self-satisfaction and knowing that most kids in my age group won't be able to answer the same challenging problems. But every summer felt the same. While other kids get to enjoy their summer in beaches, or playing, watching television and eating, I was sacrificing time but not knowing when and where this sacrifice counts. I did earn friends who share some of my interests (math among others) yet I don't see in myself the same passion that they have in their eyes when it comes to Math. They were there because they have something to prove; I was only so because I've gotten used to it.
I stayed because Math was something I can do and learn even when I know I can't handle it entirely. At least, for some time, I'd belong somewhere. There was also the enthusiasm mixed with apprehension when I'm blessed enough to be a part of a team sent to compete internationally. While I was happy that this pleased my parents and teachers among others, I was contemplating on other possibilities of where my life could lead me. After all, we were taught in Math that there are infinite possibilities.
It took me some time to realize (with the help of a certain someone) God has something better in store for me than spending my days in a place and situation that, I know in my heart, has no place in my future. But more courage was necessary for me to step out of this circle that society drew to constrain me. I entered Pisay with a label of an MTG kid. For some, I may be known as a Math girl and was expected to know Math lessons in advance. This did take its toll in my self-esteem. But knowing how special I am in the eyes of God is more than enough to boost my confidence.
Really, I didn't 'escape' Math. I just a found the best place in God's kingdom where I am more useful. This is the first summer I spent away from the regularity of Math. Having the courage to join the FIRST Robotics Competition was a first step. There I felt that I'm more of a liability than an advatage, but still I continued to put my faith in God knowing that He was the one who placed me there. He showed me that He's made me to do more things than I can imagine; that He'd give me more happiness and credit than I deserve.
And what really moved (more like shoved) me to continue walking God's way was the Leadership-Discipleship Camp last May 3-9 with the theme UnMe. I gained so many things, and at the same time I learned to give up my whole self in order to follow God's heart. I wish to (and I will) share my experiences as well as my faith to my friends and enemies and continue living the Word of God.
But camps, like what kuya pito had said, are comfort zones. I know that there I was surrounded by Godly people who wouldn't tempt me to sin. Reading my memories in my blog, I realized what roller coaster ride my Spiritual life had been just after the Acts Camp, which was another milestone in my relationship with God. I pray to continue being faithful and I humble myself just like the True Humility God IS before me.
TO REMOVE ASSUMPTIONS, I DIDN'T GET TIRED OF MATH (and I hope Math feels the same way.) I GOT TIRED OF LIVING A LIFE WITHOUT A PURPOSE. I FOUND MY PURPOSE IN GOD AND IT IS SUCH BLISS TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING WITH A SMILE, KNOWING THAT WHAT YOU ARE TO DO DURING THE DAY IS FOR SOMETHING GREATER: TO TOUCH OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.
"FOR ME, TO LIVE IS CHRIST AND TO DIE IS GAIN." Philippians 1:21
Labels: blessings from above, faith